A little perspective in life...

Friday afternoon I came home from running errands all morning around town. I was a little on edge, awaiting my grades to come in from my finals and was in what I would say is a fairly terrible mood. I barely had any time to go from doing my errands to having to go straight to work.

I hopped on facebook for a few before having to hit the road when I kept scrolling through the masses of folks posting their grievances and condolences. Now, sometimes people can be extremely cryptic on facebook, and its a fairly reliable, but inaccurate place to find your news. Reliable in that, if such a tragedy should occur, fourty of your friends will immediately post and ask a general question. For instance, several months ago an earthquake happened back home. This is news because nothing that exciting ever happens in Maine. So one by one, people gathered to facebook and twitter to ask the same question, "did we just have an earthquake?!"...  now I'm the kind of person who would just assume based on what I had just felt beneath my feet, and the thirty questions before mine, that we had an earthquake...  but the masses on facebook don't all seem to agree with this sentiment.

So coming back to my original thought... having scrolled through several dozen statuses with not one bit of useful information I had to seek out through my news sources such as msnbc or cnn, when I finally came across the tragedy that had been unfolding all morning while I was out moping over a c in physics. While I was out Christmas shopping for my girlfriend and other loved ones.

While I was out there, living, twenty six year olds were not. Seven adults were not. While I was out there wondering how the people I bought presents for would like my gifts on Christmas, there were now twenty seven families who were no longer going to be Christmas shopping, they were going to be casket shopping.

Immediately I posted something about gun control..  my immediate thoughts were with the families.. but admittedly so, I also thought about guns, and violence, and the fact that this is yet another situation in our country (even within weeks) of a young man, seeing no alternative but to lay all his grievances out on small children. This is another case of another young man, who needed access to a system that had denied him. They denied him, and they failed him...  They failed us.

I did get some reactions I was expecting. Instead of this being a time in which people are mourning over the loss of 27 people, it becomes a conversation about gun control, and the mental health system. And to be perfectly honest, I think this conversation needs to happen... But there are those who process their thoughts and emotions differently than others, perhaps more of an internal conversation and sorting. And there are those of us who process out loud.

So between those two "settings" of processing, there is not much room for in betweeners. People are becoming outwardly furstrated and lash out at those who do not express the same sentiments or feelings. This is a time for grief and a time for reflection and yes perhaps this is even a time for a discussion of what gun control actually looks like. Perhaps this is the perfect time to really look at our nations mental health system and figure out how we can serve everyone in our community to best serve every ones needs. 

But these conversations will not happen over night, and frankly, some people just aren't ready. These conversations also won't happen on two extremes of a coin, and they certainly won't happen if we internalize that gun voilence is always directly relative to mental health, because then it becomes an hand in hand situation, and it denies so many other issues we face today. Young men in our country are at war with one another. This idealism of masculinity has got to change.

So the world is supposed to end on Friday. I hope it doesn't. But even if it does... I need to begin to live my life in such a way that I am constantly loving everyone in my life. I need to remind those people that I love them. I need to express more compassion and more understanding.

Maybe I am just an old man

So I'm currently in my mid twenties, closer to the thirty side. I've always had this thing about showing a good work ethic. Going in on time, never calling off, staying my entire shift, and getting all of my work duties done. All of these things, help set up the people before and after me. For instance, if I come into work on time, the person who is relieved by me can leave on time, or as close to on time as possible. And if I get all of the things I am supposed to get done out of the way, the next person doesn't have to worry about doing my stuff on top of theirs.

While I am not old by any stretch of the imagination, I feel like work ethic in the types of jobs I have carried, just in the past 10 years (which is about how long I've been working, give a year or so) has seriously declined. As if people don't have anything to work for anymore, or anything to show for their work. I don't want to say this is generational either, because age-wise, its across the board. I wonder if its perhaps the lack of pay for more work? Or the mistreatment in these types of jobs. Or maybe its the bad hours? I very much try and keep the same standards in which I work. So it gets under my skin when its hard to find co-workers who almost have a sense of entitlement and a "screw that" kind of attitude.

 I work with people in all types of situations and I can tell you which ones need the job versus the ones who just have the job because they want a few extra bucks in their pockets, or were board and wanted to work. (I feel like I can safely make these assumptions based on conversations I've had with individuals)... While I feel like I am pigeon holding certain people into these categories, its hard not to. I guess I just look forward to working for myself some day. Or at least working as hard as I do now, for better pay. Because I can not say enough about how I think labor jobs are under paid. Minimum wage is a joke.

When I say that I don't think its fair that some of the hardest working jobs only pay bare bones and its not enough, people with college educations tend to be on the defense with this "well, they didn't go to college for four years to work their but off and pay thousands of dollars..." etc etc etc.. and I get that, but at the same time, some working class people can't afford to go to college.

I guess these are some short thoughts on working. I'm tired.

And in a separate post...

Sometimes I get tired. Really really tired. And I'm so ready for some sleep, and some happy happy dreams. So I go to bed early. Brush my teeth by like 8:45 p.m., respond to all emails and texts that need to be responded to, check facebook for the fourteenth time in twenty minutes just to make sure nothing super awesome happened in the that time. (It never does) Then head to bed, where I continue to peruse the internet and wait for my lady to complete her bathroom routine to join me.

Now, I read somewhere that when your partner or significant other, or whatever you choose to refer to them as, goes to bed, then you also should go to bed. It does not matter if its 9:30 p.m. or 6:30 p.m., you should always go to bed when your partner is ready. This is supposed to help you both maintain a healthier and closer relationship, because during those moments before you go to sleep, you are bonding in ways that many couples don't. So usually, I wait until she is ready to go bed and I will always go with her.

Tonight I was more than thrilled when she suggested to me lets go to bed early because I have been trying to capitalize on healthy hours of sleeping before my Friday-Monday work week begins (in which I work two late night shifts and two overnight shifts, with some classes in there)

Within minutes I fell asleep, assuming I would be asleep until 7:30. But sometimes my body has other ideas for me. Like waking me up with a bought of sleep apnea mixed in with some gerd . Its quite an annoying and painful process my body sometimes puts me through.

The best and most affective way I have found to help sooth my chest is to eat bread (to soak up the terribly acidy crap thats sitting in my chest and throat) followed my a cough drop to help numb my throat a bit and aid in my breathing normally again. And then I find myself awake for quite some time. I was told by a fellow person with gerd that if you get up and walk around the house it helps everything settle down. Really, it does help me immensely.

So now, I am awake at 1:40 in the morning, blogging about gerd. How lovely of you to read. Facebook is still incredibly boring.

The times they do fly by

So I consider myself somewhat of a half finishable person. I have several brilliant ideas, and I have several things I want to do with myself, and projects I want to create, and places I want to go. These projects I only really finish about half of.

Blogging is one of those things. I could be on a great streak, and then months (or years in my case) could go by and I have not completed anything, or updated my life at all. This possibly stems from the fact that I really think my life is unnecessarily boring and mundane. Or it could just be that I am a lazy fella.

Either way, here I am again in my attempts to blog. Somewhat upon request from a friend, and somewhat upon the fact that I feel like I have so many things to say and so little of it that is actually said, or said for people to hear or read. I am even terrible at writing in my own personal, my eyes only journal. It leads me to feeling guilty and confused, and then I find myself apologizing for not ever writing in my journal, and that I HOPE it can forgive me. In all honesty I think that I should just stop making myself these promises that I am not going to complete. So when I blog I blog... and this is me reattempting to get back (or get started rather)a blog.